Hello moodyspeak readers, I am back to give an update on my journey in life by working to overcome the trauma of my childhood sexual abuse and going for my dreams with my business. Every week I get a note or someone tells me in person my blog has been helpful. It is always touching when someone says my post gave them tears of joy and hope.
Since my last post I have been mediating, hiking, exercising, and listening to God guide me through this new phase of life. I have never been so open with myself or others about what it is like being a sexual abuse survivor. I have come to realize many people mean well but they just don’t understand how tough it can be for a childhood sexual abuse survivor as an adult. When I read articles or watch things on TV about sexual abuse, I have come to understand, people who have not been sexually abused, unfortunately think once the abuse is over, the child victim is fine. As children we are good at masking our pain, it is when we become adults and have to deal with adult situations does the pain reappear.
This is why I am telling my story. To give a voice and hope for adults that are childhood sexual abuse survivors. I often wonder how can I help kids and adults overcome the trauma of sexual abuse. I dream of building cabins and campgrounds for childhood sexual abuse survivors to enjoy the healing process in nature and sleep under the stars. A mission trip last year to Honduras planted the seed in me for the camp. I found peace sleeping every night on a working ranch and I want to share that peace with others survivors.
Over the last year since I started this journey. I have come to realize something very important for me. As always I can only speak for what works for me in my healing process and I pray my experience is helpful for others to use. Anyway, I have learned through the therapy, prayers, exercise and love from others in my life, that it is up to me to make it happen. What I mean, it is up to me to get up each day and decide not to let my past control me. It is up to me to fight through the panic attack feeling or the PTSD feeling. It is up to me to be happy and look at all of the beauty in my life and my many blessings.
I have cried and I have prayed, I have laughed, I have been fearful, I have had therapy, I have taken medication, I have done endurance athletic events, I have changed eating habits, I have thought about retiring, and over the last few months the light is bright and I see clearly. I love running a business and I don’t want to quit. I still have to fight through the fear of panic attacks and PTSD. I can’t erase my bad memories.
Because I have been healing over the last year, I am handling situations better than in the past. I have some recent projects that have been put on hold and a client that has run short of money after we completed the project. In the past my panic feeling and PTSD would have been off the charts. I am developing patience in handling these types of situations and truly trusting my faith in God to lead me. I have to work at this new approach, and it feels so much better than the past. I still get worked up when I feel someone is trying to take advantage of me or use me, because I relive my past every time. I tell myself, David it is up to you, how you react. I breath and pray and think. It is not easy but it feels so much better.
I hope everyone that reads this post knows the trauma of our past doesn’t have to control for us forever. It is not easy, but we can do it. I am attaching a post I did on social media recently.
Here is the post I did on the social media. “Have you ever noticed what seems like your worst day in your life actually is your best day of your life? I was talking to a mid 20-year-old about their career. They felt it was going nowhere and they were disappointed. I then told them how I left a great job as a staff architect for Bechtel, and my wife Karla left an excellent job at the University of Michigan to move to back to Atlanta. I took a job with a mid size construction firm and had a new wife. Three months after starting work for this company the company went bankrupt. I was now out of job with a new wife. What was my worst day was also my best day. I never would have eventually went into business if that company didn’t go bankrupt and I hadn’t spent 4 years after that struggling working for small construction companies and finally deciding to try it myself. Thank God for my worst and best day all in the same day. God had a plan for me I just didn’t know it at time. I am thankful and blessed for the journey. Still enjoying the journey of life.”
The best thing I have learned recently is; “the things I can’t control, no need in worrying, I can’t do anything about it anyway”. Keep enjoying this journey of life. We not only survive we can thrive with a smile. It is up to me. Enjoy my snow video.