By writing my blog and discussing what I have learned in my life and from building a business for 25 years, I realized how much I have learned and how much more I can still learn about life and business. I am excited like a kid waiting for Christmas morning about my future and learning. My first three lessons learned covered, having dreams for your life, letting go of our past, and getting back up when life knocks you down.
Now once we have a dream that matches our passion, do the best we can to let go of our past hurts, and then get back up after being knocked down by life, we must fight through the negative/bad fear that creeps in our mind. There are some fears we should have that protects us, I am talking about that negative/bad fear that creeps into our minds. My friend calls that part of the mind, the trickster. You know that part of the brain that always tells you the negative thoughts on your idea. The part of the brain when your past hurts comes back to hurt you all over again. The negative fear, when you want to try to do something new or challenging tells you, why bother trying?, you know you aren’t any good, you can’t make it and the list goes on, and so often we stop dead in our tracks. We let that negative/bad fear paralyze us. I have learned the power of the negative/bad fear can have in our lives. I have been paralyzed so many times in life by the negative/bad fear. I talk about these things in my life to hopefully help others that have suffered a trauma, especially childhood sexual abuse. I know the negative impact such as panic attacks and PTSD, but it also helped me get deeper in touch with myself as a person. I have learned what my triggers are that cause the negative/bad fear to try to raise its ugly head in my brain. I have learned to push myself through the negative/bad fear. One thing that happened to me when I started having panic attacks in 1992 from sharing for the first time I had been sexually abused as kid, was I didn’t like being alone anymore. I was fearful I would have bad panic attacks. I used to love being by myself, but after that, I was kind of paralyzed just thinking about being alone too long. By the grace of God, I started digging deep inside and said I will not live in fear. That is why I started running 10k and half marathon races until 2012, then I picked up riding long distances on bikes. These activities force me to be along with myself for hours at a time and I once again enjoy being alone with myself. I had the fears of starting my business and I would be a failure, well 25 years later I am still going with my business. Every now and then the negative/bad fearful thoughts creep in saying you have maxed out on your abilities. I know that is the trickster part of the brain talking. I keep pushing through the negative/fear in my life.
Throughout this blog I have talked about how I suffered from panic attacks and other effects from being a sexual abuse survivor, and I also talk about how we can rise above the pain and trauma to a place of peace and happiness. I don’t want anyone to think I don’t have panic attacks symptoms anymore. I have just learned to manage them and know the triggers that cause them to happen. I still have the negative/bad fear thoughts, but I push myself through them. I pray daily and often for strength to push when needed through the negative/bad fear that creeps up now and then in my mind.
For me, the feeling when I push through the negative/bad fear is a great feeling of accomplishment. Sometimes that negative/bad fear can be as simple as riding a new bike trail by myself and hoping I don’t have a panic attack (which of course I don’t have, but the thought is enough to trigger the feeling for a moment). I have come to understand, eating certain foods, certain stresses, watching certain things, hearing certain words, can start the negative/bad fear. I have learned to stop it and not let it paralyzed me from living a full enjoyable life. I always say thank you to God for holding my hand when I push through the negative/bad fear. I know my God’s love, my family’ love, my friends’ love and my desire to push through, is stronger than any negative/bad fear I will ever face.
Keep enjoying life, pushing through the negative/bad fear and go for your dreams. Enjoy some recent pictures and a YouTube video of spending an evening with a couple of friends doing a low country boil. Karla learned last week from Alan and decided to try it herself. Our friends, Alan and Marshalita Peterson have been friends for 39 years. We met freshmen week and been friends ever since. They met Karla in 1982, and the friendship has just grown. We have cried together and laughed together. They are one of the close-knit couples and people we call our dearest friends. Life is great when love is in your life.
My next lesson learned in the upcoming post will be the importance of forgiveness and giving of ourselves to help others and expect nothing in return.
Take care and may God keep blessing you and we find love and peace in this world.