Instead of writing this post about my lessons learned in life. I want to write about a breakthrough that has taken place since I started writing my blog. I started my blog October 3, 2012. When I started my blog I had no idea about writing a blog, what the commitment to writing would require. I didn’t know if anyone would care or even read my blog. Because of all of you reading my blog in 50 countries and the positive uplifting calls, emails and comments. I have had a major breakthrough. I never really thought I could have this breakthrough in my lifetime. For the first time in 47 years I feel free. I’m free from the affects of my childhood trauma of being a sexual abuse survivor. I am like a 57-year-old kid starting over.
Let me explain what I mean by free. First I need to explain for those that might not have read all of my post. There are some key things that have held me back from being free. For me, being a victim of sexual abuse by a male babysitter has been traumatizing. Even though I buried it for 26 years, I never forgot it or the damage it did to my inner being. Even though I am blessed with an eternal flame of happiness. I suffered quietly with constant worry, low self-esteem, waiting on the other shoe to drop, would anybody really love me or want to be around me if they knew I had been sexually abused, and last, the most work was required to recover from panic attacks.
I had no idea how healing my blog would be for me. Each time I wrote a post, little did I know, I was freeing myself from my past. The calls from people as some cried telling their story and saying thank you to me for giving them the courage to speak up, was actually freeing me. When I spoke to groups about surviving sexual abuse or speaking to the kids that were just starting their healing of surviving sexual abuse. Little did I know my helping them was helping me too. Each event I got stronger. I must admit my first few events I cried more than I talked. I have realized the tears were tears of the past being released and freeing me from my childhood past.
My original plan for my blog was to celebrate 25 years in business and tell the story of the journey of building a business. As I wrote my post each week, I begin to realize how being a sexual abuse victim and survivor had really changed my entire life. I knew I couldn’t tell my journey of 25 years in business without telling the entire journey of my life. My past and building a business are all intertwined.
The biggest day ever for my blog for the number of daily readers, was the post when I said I had been sexually abused as a child. I knew then I must tell the entire story of my journey.
I know I will never forget what was done to me by my abuser, but he will not control my thoughts any more. I am excited about my business with a new way of looking at my life. When I started my business, I was scared to death, broke, had a young family, and no idea how to run a business. I now know I have spent the last 25 years in business scared and worried waiting on the other shoe to drop, because I was so worried nothing good stays for a sexual abuse victim like me. This blog and your support and feedback has made me realized I am not tarnished, my family and friends love me even more because I am a sexual abuse survivor. I am stronger than I believe I was, because I never quit or lost hope. I am thankful I never lost my faith in God or gave up hope in reaching this point in my life.
I am now pursuing clients that I never had confidence to chase. I am basically starting my business over by running a business being free from my past. I know I will have moments were my childhood trauma will want to creep into my thoughts, I am not going to let the past stand in my way in my way anymore. I am excited to see what I can do leading a business free from my childhood past holding me hostage.
To my other survivors or people being held back from your past, please keep going for your dreams and never lose hope. Thanks for reading my blog, keep going for your dreams, and know real happiness does exist. If you pray, keep praying for me to keep growing. I will keep praying for everyone that has a dream to be free of the past and enjoy life.
Next post I will continue with my lessons learned. I just needed to share a breakthrough that I thought was very important to share with my readers. Enjoy the slide show and a YouTube video of the Coretta Scott King Young Women’s Academy we built for the Atlanta Public Schools.