- On March 20, 2014
- 4 Comments
Hello and welcome back to Moodyspeaks. The month since my last post has been inspiring, uplifting and educational. I have been inspired by my fellow survivors stories and the courage of their journey for healing of their mind, body and soul. I have learned the journey of healing has many paths and is different for each person. I have seen some common threads about being a childhood sexual abuse survivor. Many of us suffer from panic attacks, PTSD, low self-esteem, and blame ourselves for the abuse. Many of us feel it is our fault that the abuse happened. Unfortunately many survivors because of the trauma and pain turn to drugs, alcohol and other destructive behaviors. I pray for all of us survivors to have the strength to heal. I have joined a few adult sexually abused survivor Facebook groups. I have been inspired by the courage of my fellow survivors. I realize that many of us survivors suffer in silence because of the guilt, shame and worry of what others will think about us as a sexual abuse survivor. I was like that for 45 years, afraid of what would people think of me being a childhood sexual abuse survivor. I started this blog 18 months ago to help with my healing process and give a voice to those survivors that might never get comfortable enough to say it out loud, that they had been sexually abused. Everyone has to heal in their way, and I speak for those that suffer in silence. I write to give hope and show healing is possible and a great life is livable.
Recently I had an experience that shows what my title of this post is about; Real Love is Healing. Last month I had to get a root canal from my dentist. He has been my dentist for 20 years. I had never told him I suffer from panic attacks or why I suffer from them. Anyway he had to use a rubber dam in my mouth. Everything was going well but the laying flat in the dentist chair and trouble breathing from the rubber dam started a panic attack. I was getting very anxious and starting to breathe fast and I was starting to panic. I could see my dentist was getting frustrated because I was not cooperating very well at that moment. Because of my new peace from the healing process, I raised my hand to stop, and explained to my dentist I was having a panic attack and why I have them. I immediately saw his assistant and my dentist go from frustration to compassion for me. They gave me all of the time I needed to regain my composure and we completed the root canal. Once again I saw what love in people can do for another person. Their love poured out for me as a person in need and their action showed that love. My wife is the greatest person on earth. Her love over the years has been unconditional and her patience in this journey of healing has been my strength. My wife and my kids love for me, gives me the courage to keep healing and sharing my story. I have learned the power of true love from people.
My healing journey has helped me for the first time run my business with out the fear of having a panic attack in a meeting or letting anxiety get the best of me for no reason at all. In the past just certain things could trigger the thoughts of being abused and create panic. I am handling the triggers must better as I heal and speak out. I have more patience in business situations. I am not letting anxiety drive me to make emotional decisions. I am excited about running the business in the second half of my life. This healing process gives a calmness I have never had before in stressful situations. I still have my PTSD moments and panic moments, but they are fewer and less powerful than the past. In the past I enjoyed activities and events but it was short-lived. I would always worry about having a panic attack or what would people think if they knew I had been sexually abused as a child. I now fully enjoy activities and events until complete because I now know how to handle those anxious thoughts that try to creep in my mind. Because of the healing process, my blog and getting involved with organizations like the Georgia Center for Child Advocacy, I feel like I am helping others heal. I always carried a guilt because I never spoke up and I let my abuser go free and unpunished. I am making a difference in my way now, and this gives me a release from the guilt of letting him go unpunished.
Every day is good day that I can wake up and face the challenges of the day, and hopefully give someone hope for healing. I pray my example of healing gives another survivor hope and the desire to go for their dreams. We are strong and not alone on this journey of life. My faith in God, and God’s grace and love gives me the courage to speak up about the power of healing from sexual abuse. We not only survive but can thrive. Never lose hope, we are in this world together, and together we can heal.
Please enjoy the slide show of some recent activities, and the video of a recent day hiking. I enjoy hiking so much, the calmness and exercise from hiking is important to my healing.
Until next time keep enjoying life and healing. Go for your Dreams.