Survivor’s Story- It is never to late. By Sharyl

It’s NEVER too Late
My name is Sharyl. I am 54 years old. I am a survivor of sexual, physical, mental, and emotional abuse. My uncle, whom I loved and respected dearly, sexually abused me at the age of 12 for 4 summers. This was a very confusing time for me because I loved how he treated me during the day but I dreaded and hated the nights. I hated myself and I blamed myself for everything because I went back every summer. I did not understand until recently that the physical, mental, and verbal abuse I received at home left me craving for positive attention. My uncle provided the love and attention I so craved, but at a very high cost. I began to use food to deal with life. At first I starved myself believing I didn’t deserve to eat. It was also a way for me to have some manner of control in a very out of control life. Eventually, being the weak person that I thought I was, I started to eat and turned to bulimia, the best friend I ever had. It was always there for me. I used it to punish myself, to praise myself, when I was happy, sad, lonely, in need of avoidance or to procrastinate. It was my all-purpose excuse for everything. You name it, it fulfilled the need. My abuse cycle has continued throughout my adult life. I still use food for everything. I have also allowed men to continue to abuse me, yes, even rape me. It has only been in the past few years that I have finally released the blame and shame I have carried all of these years. Many of us turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with the pain involved with abuse. We try to numb ourselves, we deny, we avoid, and we punish ourselves because we believe it was our fault. We don’t believe we deserve any better. More often than not, these coping mechanisms become our addictions. Sexual abuse leaves one feeling despicable, unworthy, undeserving, filthy, and dirty, BUT this is not us, this is what was done to us. Sexual abuse affects one on all levels: physical, mental, emotional, as well as spiritually. It is NEVER a child’s fault when an adult does sexually inappropriate things to a child. If you are living your life through the eyes and experiences of your inner child, get help. You deserve it. It is never too late to give your little boy or little girl the love, support, respect, protection, and nurturing they deserve. Loving ourselves is one of the hardest yet MOST rewarding things we can do in this life.