- On November 13, 2020
- 6 Comments
Let me tell you the truth.
Trying to bury childhood sexual abuse and what actually happened to me has been a lot of work emotionally, and it created a lifetime of anxiety and panic.
To finally say out loud what happened to me has been really hard at times to accept. Thankfully my trauma therapist and I are working well together. Burying a trauma can only last so long. Eventually it will come to the surface and must be dealt with by the survivor.
I’m working on mental freedom, but man it is a rough ride. I’m excited about the future and what I will feel like as I free myself from decades of trying to act like it wasn’t that bad. I can now say how horrible and traumatic it was, but still know I am strong and a survivor.
It is also fascinating to see how the mind and body protect us from trauma. When we are in a place of safety and security, and when we are ready, the mind and body will allow us to deal with the trauma.
That time for me is now at 64 years old! I am finally freeing myself and allowing myself to deal with the agony I tried to ignore. In turning away from the pain that was created in 1965, I created years of anxiety, panic and triggers that come from PTSD.
Every day I relive what happened and tried to act as though it was not me being abused.
Now I am working on the freedom that comes from facing a trauma that was not my fault.
I was a child. My innocence was stolen. But I survived and now I am working on being free. I am no longer ashamed or fearful what people will think of me. I didn’t ask to be sexually abused, the person that abused me violated my family’s trust, groom me and violated me and then threaten to hurt me if I ever said a word and said no one would believe me. So I buried my trauma and now I want to be free from the anxiety and panic that comes from burying a trauma.
No child should have their innocence stolen. Let’s protect our children. Let help those that have been sexually abused to heal. Remember in 1 in 10 kids will be sexually abused by the age of 18. 90% of predators are close to the family or a family member. I speak up for those that are suffering in silence. We are not alone. I was sexually abused by someone that was close to our family. I am a SURVIVOR! The future is bright and I am excited about this phase of my journey!