- On November 5, 2021
- 4 Comments
In 22 days we will celebrate 39 years of marriage. This picture was taken 3 months before everything changed in our lives. As I gave my talk yesterday on my life’s journey. I shared this story. In late 1991 for the 1st time in my life, I uttered the words, that I was a survivor of a horrible childhood trauma. I didn’t plan on ever saying anything. Karla found out someone close to her had been sexually abused as a child, and as she discussed it with me, all of a sudden I just told her, that happened to me as a child. My secret was no longer a secret. I thought everything was ok after I disclosed my childhood secret to Karla. Little did I know how badly I had been impacted by that trauma. Within 3 months of disclosing my story to Karla, I was having full blown panic attacks and with in 4 months, I had a complete nervous breakdown. I was a broken soul, and didn’t know if I would ever recover. I was in really bad shape. I should have been in a hospital, but we couldn’t afford for me to stop working to heal. Somehow I kept going and faked like I was ok in public. I was having uncontrollable muscle tremors, non stop panic attacks, just messed up emotionally. My energy was at zero, couldn’t walk 1/4 of mile. I thought I was going to die. I thought there is no way I will ever recover from this mess. What made matters worst, I had to suffer in silence and fake like I was ok in public. I would attend meetings, and pray no panic attack, then come home and crash. Karla had to drive me most places, I was afraid to drive and have a panic attack if alone. It was a really bad time in our lives. Our business was only 4 years old, we had two little kids, Karla had only been out of nursing school 2 years and her mother was dying from a brain tumor. Only God knew how messed up everything was in our lives. I was afraid to tell anyone but a few close friends what was going on. I was afraid people would think I was weak and stop doing business with us, I was ashamed and embarrassed of being a survivor and now just a broken man. Thankfully God had a plan for us. We were only 32 years old at the time and I witnessed Karla become a true gladiator, she put her armor on and carried us and got me back on my feet. I can never repay her in full. This is why I always give her credit publicly, she didn’t run away, she ran to me. I always tell people, in every relationship there will come that turning point moment. You will either run away or run to each other and together overcome the situation. Karla is my rock and I am her rock. We always pick up each other when needed and we never run away from the situation. We are a team! I told the audience yesterday, I was determined to recover and I put the work in to recover. I know God has a plan for me and gave me the strength and courage to see it through. Whatever you are going through that is tough, don’t give up, you are not alone. We are all stronger than we realize. We all will be knocked to our knees, and we have the strength to get up! Get up and take that 1st step today to being awesome!! Trust your faith. We can turn trauma into triumph!